Today is a bad day. I woke fairly well. Optimistic I would have a good day pain wise. But half way to work, I was sore. Spasms in my upper back. Pain in my lower back. After two hours on my feet at work, I was struggling. But couldn't sit down. By 1230 I was struggling to move. Going from sitting to standing or standing to sitting was almost unmanageable. Everything made my back spasm. I wanted to cry. At 230 I gave in and went home. My boss was more than happy for me to go, but getting my pay right is another thing.
I rang my physio and he got me in. I'm lucky to have a good physio. He spent a little extra time trying to get better. He has been through this himself so knows how much it hurts. I just want to throw my hands up and give up on everything right now. No more PT or rehab for a while. I need to let things settle. I need time out. I need to heal mentally as well as physically. This is hard. Harder to overcome than last year. It's playing on my mind about taking income away from my family. The guilt is killing me.
But yet, my darling little girl brings a smile to my face. Asking me if I'm ok. Laying with me on the couch for a cuddle. She makes me smile.
Then there are my good friends. I couldn't have gotten through this afternoon without the wonderful Ce. Listening to me just blubber through the phone. Knowing what words to say to make me stand a little taller. To cry a little less. For that, I am always thankful.
Tomorrow is a day of rest. No work. I'm off for the week. I need to get in the pool so will try to do that tomorrow. Rest and rehab in the pool. I'd rather be at work.
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